Gifted children and teens caught in this vicious cycle remain entrenched in a seemingly endless battle against themselves. Shame both results from and fuels overthinking and anxiety. Brene Brown defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." Shame differs from guilt, which typically involves regret over past behaviors. Shame stems from a belief that one is deeply flawed and that the flaw will be exposed to others. Distorted thinking fuels anxiety and evokes feelings of shame, which pervades their sense of self. They worry that they will be exposed as "ungifted" - impostors who cannot effortlessly excel and are not smart after all. They mull over past conversations, dissect minute details, and berate themselves for any misstep. Gifted children and teens harshly judge any perceived mistake and feel ashamed when they face an academic struggle or cannot effortlessly engage with others. And for many, overthinking and anxiety transition into feelings of shame. The self-consciousness that accompanies giftedness is compounded by peer pressure, social media input, adolescent hormones, and their own high expectations. While those rare few may shrug it off, most gifted children will ponder their predicament. Achievement is seen as essential to offset any potential feelings of shame. Others may become anxious, driven, and perfectionistic, focusing on success above all else. Some give up entirely after a failure experience and refuse to exert further effort. Many assume academics should come easily, expect to always excel, and feel shame if they falter or receive a low grade. They recognize their advantages in learning and feel conflicted about how to manage expectations. Even those who underachieve or hide their talents from others are quite aware of their potential and what they might achieve with some effort. Although sometimes fueled by expectations from family or teachers, it more frequently stems from an awareness of their own capabilities. Gifted children often maintain high standards for themselves. It just goes with the giftedness territory. This tendency may develop despite the presence of a loving, supportive family, the absence of past trauma, or a family history devoid of anxiety or depression. For some, obsessive thinking transitions into anxiety. Their nervous system seems wired for heightened reactivity. Even though the gifted are no more susceptible to mental illness than anyone else, some gifted children and teens struggle with overthinking, worry, or cautious alertness.
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